Melting ice
by PixieYunie
Summary: He had once told her in Nashville that all good cops were lone wolves. She had believed him. Now she thought different. He had been wrong, wolves aren’t alone, they travel in packs. Like they should be.
1. Darkness and a small light

_This is the first chapter of my fanfic. It is still rather sad, but it will get better, I promise. I thank Linn for editing this story, for helping me make this perfect (I hope so). __There are some spoilers in this story, but anything after 'The Road' is okay._

_Enough crap form the author, lets get on with the story._

_Disclaimer: I Don't own Cold Case or its characters, I only use them for fun and I sure as hell don't make any profit of it. Unless you count fun as a profit._

Chapter 1 Darkness and a small light

She was alone, alone in the darkness. It wasn't just the darkness of the night or the darkness of her lonely apartment. It was also the darkness that lingered in peoples' hearts. _Part of the job_, she used to think. Darkness follows you have a rotten childhood and especially when you are also a homicide detective.

A long time ago, when she was still a child desperate for her mother's love, she used to think that someone would come rescue her and everything would be alright. The child hadn't thought about homicide or darkness for that matter, she had hope. Hope, that someday she would be like the rest of the world. She dreamt of a nice, light house, a loving husband and happy children that didn't have to bring their mother alcohol.

Now there was nothing left of that hope. The small light she used to carry when she was young had been snuffed out. She was alone, alone in the darkness. She had tried, God knows he had tried, to live up to that dream. There had been times when she had thought she had thought she had finally found it. It hadn't been the light she had longed for, it had been nothing but a small spark. Not strong enough to break through the darkness and soon it had lost its courage and gave up. After every spark the darkness returned more tangible and she needed more time to adjust her eyes and heart to this new shade of black.

She would never admit it, but she hated the darkness, she hated the darkness, she hated being alone. Usually she tried to forget about her life, by thinking about lives, lives that had ended too soon. She would stay late at work, so she could think about them, at home there was nothing. Nothing to come home for, nothing to take a sick day for and just have fun.

At work, the center of her life, there was no point in denying it anyway, she had her collegues. After all those years, she considered them her best friends. She liked going out with them on 'first thursdays', going to the pub having a drink. All of them were so different from eachother, but together they made the best team in Philly. 'First thursdays' had a special place in her heart. It was the one time they were all together without being at the office. Sure, they talked about the cases, but it was different when you have a desk in front of you.

Some cases tore at her already scarred heart. When the victims were children or when they found out another maniac was walking free. Today had been another example of a case that she couldn't easily let go. It hadn't been the first time someone had tried to break her mind. But, somehow this had been different, she now realized. He had gotten to her. Why had this John Smith found her weak spots so easily? She wouldn't try to say she didn't have any, but she always thought she did cover them up rather well. To the outside world she was the ice queen, while inside her heart was bleeding. Perhaps she should buy a gold weddingband for around her finger, just for the sake of it. She smiled ironically, her collegues would laugh at her. Lilly Rush needed protection from a ring. One would worry, because he has such a tiny heart.

He would wonder why she suddenly needed the protection and safety of such a symbol. He would probably try to talk to her, she would try to explain why, but as always her words wouldn't come out of her mouth. She was scared, scared of telling about her feelings, afraid she would be hurt again. He already made it easy for her to talk, maybe even too easy. She wasn't used to it. All she had to do was say: "hey", and he would be there. She had no doubt about that. He had already proven himself. She didn't know if she could ever thank him enough. He had saved her life, in more than one way. She just lost her mother to the alcohol and the dark side of her was more than ready to give up. That day, when she was shot, she didn't feel the pain, she was calm. She had heard _him_ calling for the paramedics, he seemed like he was in panic. She, on the other hand, felt like she was floating, she felt safe. Safer then she had ever felt before, yet she didn't know why. Sometimes she thought she saw something shine in the ever black darkness. Well, she had been nearly dead, so light wasn't the strangest thing to see.

She had woken up in a hospital bed a few days later. She wasn't floating anymore, the pain in her chest was very real. When she looked around more closely, she noticed she wasn't the only one in the room. _He _was sitting next to her bed, seemingly asleep, holding her hand. She was glad he was there when she awoke. It had been cliché, him sitting there, a bit like in the old movies she liked to watch secretly. His shirt was impossibly wrinkled, his hair was a mess and a dark shadow could be seen on his jaw. He was asleep, restlessly. He looked like shit, but it didn't matter. The next time she had woken up, he had been gone. She never told him, that she knew he was there, holding her hand. For her it was okay, she knew he was there.

Suddenly, she realized he had always been there when she needed him. She remembered the day she met Joseph and she had taken a sick day to investigate. That same evening he had been on her doorstep, annoyed that she didn't answer her phone. She didn't have to be a detective to know that he had been worried. So she told him of her feelings, her feelings for Joseph. He had listened calmly, but still she had seen that muscle clench in his jaw. It was the only thing that betrayed his emotions. She had thought it was cute, but _everything_ about him was cute. The female part of the world knows that.

He had been less cute though, when he had slept with her sister, Christina. She had been so angry at him and a tiny part of her soul had been afraid, so afraid of losing him. She couldn't bear it, not after Chris had already stolen her fiancée. Finding out that your sister slept with your soon-to-be-husband meant another scar on her heart, she had been betrayed. Chris and her had shared a past together, she was family. She wanted to be close to her family, because family you can thrust. How wrong she had been. When Chris came back a few years ago, she wanted to thrust again, because she shared her blood. She found out she was on the run, using her as a means to an end.

Discovering Chris didn't only make a mess of her life and had the police on her trail, but also slept with him had been more than she could handle. She could have handled it from everyone, except for him. Not only Chris had betrayed her, he as well. It had taken her a long time to forgive him. She understood why he had done it. He had been a mess after the death of Elissa, the girlfriend who he was determined to share his life with. Her committing suicide had shook his world. He needed someone that was a mess like him and he found Chris. Her sister, she would never forgive. The scars she had caused were too deep. She probably found out what he meant to her and had begun the affair anyway, knowing she was going to hurt people with her actions.

She had forgiven him, although she would never forget. She had forgiven him for he was one of her closest friends. When she alone, like she was alone now in her apartment, she would call him her best friend. To even think about ever voicing her thoughts made her blush. He would pity her, because _he _was the closest to her. She had never been to his house and it made her feel selfish. He came to her house often, usually unannounced, but she had never taken the trouble to go to him.

He had been there at all the important moments of her life. He had seen her at her worst. And, she realized, hadn't run away. He was still there by her side. All those years she had been alone, alone in the darkness. How wrong she had been, how could she be alone when he was always there, ready to catch her when she fell?

Suddenly her world wasn't so bleak anymore. Far on the horizon was a sparkle and she would make sure that it wasn't going to fade. Her apartment was still dark, but she would turn the lights on, soon. She had lived long enough in the darkness, it was time to move forward even though it took her a baby step at a time. She would make it.

He had once told her in Nashville that all good cops were lone wolves. She had believed him. Now she thought different. He had been wrong, wolves aren't alone, they travel in packs. Like they should be.


	2. The spark grows

_Hello everybody, it's me again. I'm totally sorry that it took me so long to update. It is well over a year and I'm totally ashamed of myself. I'm hiding in a corner now. But when I was reading the stories at I suddenly felt inspired to continue this story. Since it was a story that had potential. So here it is long overdue,…the second chapter of melting ice. (TADAA!)_

**Chapter 2: The spark grows**

She almost ran out of her house, before she realized she had her cats to feed. They were around her feet, meowing loudly, begging her for food. She sighed and went back to the kitchen.

Upon arriving into the heart of every house she opened her fridge, it was near empty, except for the takeout that she had brought home a couple of days ago and a can of cat food. She fed her cats who purred happily when their hungry was finally stilled.

'_It must be hard for them too, being owned by a detective, that spend__s more time at work than at home.' _She thought and if she was ready to begin anew, she wanted to do it right. It was time for some changes. Time to step out of the darkness that hunted her for as long as she lived. She didn't want to be there anymore.

As a homicide detective she had realized how sudden a life could be over, the past hours she had seen how swiftly a life could be destroyed. Broken because someone was mad enough to take it with you. John Smith was one of those freaks and he had been right when he said that she didn't have somebody to share her life with.

She smiled while watching her beloved cats. She was sure that Johnny boy had no idea to what effect he had to her. Than his words make him realize that she wanted to share a life. That she didn't want to die alone. That she didn't want to live alone. Maybe she should send a thank you note to prison. She had to think about that. He was still a creep. The worst kind of scumbags that walked the earth and she had certainly seen her share of scumbags.

She thought back about _him_, and how he had behaved during that car ride, through the middle of nowhere. He had beaten the crap out of Johnny boy and she had to stop him before he got into real trouble. He always had a temper, but now it almost turned real ugly. Because John Smith had said something to her, _about _her.

Why had he done that? Why would he have cared? Did he feel like her? At the beginning of the evening he had asked if she still had trouble sleeping. She hadn't answered and she was sure he hadn't expected her to. But she owed him an answer, didn't she?

When a man is always by your side, doesn't he deserve an explanation? Doesn't he deserve some credit? A bigger part in her life? Should she let him in her heart? To the last question she already had an answer, he was already in her heart.

She didn't know when precisely, but he suddenly made his way into her heart. At first she had been angry, at herself and at him. How could she be so stupid as to fall in love with her partner? And why had he been so great? So great that she fell in love with him.

There was another cliché that she had to confess. There was nothing that she didn't like about him. She liked it all, okay _loved_ it all. The first thing she noticed was how he looked. The outside is what counts, but it sure as hell is the first thing that you notice. And she noticed it all right. Had noticed him from the first day onwards. When she saw him interviewing some female informant and she had thought the very worst of him. She thought he had brought his girlfriend to work, and had said that too. Because what else was she supposed to think? Over the years she had learnt that pretty boys always break your heart. And she could deny it all she wanted, but Scotty Valens was a pretty boy.

Scotty scored high on the hunk-o-meter. Every time he cracked a joke and she saw him smile, that half lopsided smile, her heart did a somersault. She had thought about visiting a doctor when she realized that it were butterflies that made heart jump and no heart condition. He had the perfect brown eyes, kissable lips (she knew, she stared when he wasn't looking) _and_ he filled out his suit nicely.

He had the outside going for him. But she wouldn't be in any kind of trouble if that was where it ended. He was also great on the inside. He was kind and gentle man. He was the best partner that she could wish for. He cared for people. She remembered how he was to Elissa. She admired him because he had stayed by her and hadn't run. Like so many would have. But not him. He wasn't like that. He wouldn't even think about it.

Her cats were finished eating and looked up at her gratefully. They also eyed her suspiciously because she was standing there with her coat on and it was in the middle of the night. She wasn't following routine, she was supposed to go to bed now.

She scratched both the cats behind their ears and talked to them. "Sorry girls. I have to be somewhere."

She got up, went back into the living room and grabbed her purse, wallet, keys and phone. She checked her reflection in the mirror. She had showered and changed into more comfortable clothing since she got home. She wore a light blue tank top and snug fitting jeans. Her hair was down. She no longer looked like detective Rush, she now looked like Lilly. Should she put on different clothes? She decided against it. She wanted to look like Lilly and not like Rush.

She let a light burning for her cats so that they wouldn't be sitting in the dark. Her cats didn't deserve the same faith as her.

In her car she realized what she was doing. She was going to _him_. She knew the address by heart and started the engine. Sure, she was nervous, but she didn't doubt about what she had to do. She had lied enough to him, telling that everything was fine. She took a deep breath and made her way towards him. In hope that he was also her future.

She made it to his place in less than half an hour. That wasn't a surprise since the roads were quiet at this time of night. She checked her phone for the time. 03:45, it read. Was this really the best time to be doing this? What if he was already in bed?

Before she had a chance to back out and leave without doing anything she knocked on his door. She waited for answer. She almost wanted to walk away when the door opened slightly. She met his brown eyes and smiled.

When he recognized who the crazy person that was standing on his doorstep in the middle of the night he opened the door further. She noticed that he was wearing nothing but a towel. She felt herself blush and cursed herself for her pale skin. It always showed when she blushed.

"So you found the time to wash your hair." She smiled in reference to the joke that he made earlier that evening. He nodded and let her into his home. She walked in briskly. She tried to not look at him. Tried not to notice his chest, that was there in the open for her to see. Needless to say she miserable failed for that test. She almost drooled.

"What are you doin' here, Lil?" he followed her into his living room. She checked it out, it was clear that the apartment belonged to a man. It was almost Spartan decorated and trash littered the floor. It was obvious that he hadn't expected visitors.

"Checking on my partner." She turned to him. "Hadn't expected something like this though." She sat down on the couch. To her surprise he sat right next to her. He obviously wasn't bothered by the fact that he was sitting next to her half naked. She noted how small that towel was, how it barely covered his legs.

"What had you expected than?" he asked. "Well, for starters I expected you to in more clothes." She laughed.

"I hadn't expected visitors, Lil, sorry." He gave her a lopsided grin and like always her heart made a somersault. It wasn't like the usual one. Now her heart was almost beating out of her chest. He had never grinned at her half naked.

"I don't mind the view, Scotty." The smile remained on her face, although the reddish color on her face remained. When she had driven up here, she hadn't expected something so spectacular. She was here to tell him that he was the one, the one that had pulled her though all the shit the past years. Tell him that he was a spark into her ever black darkness and that she was finally fine. And she didn't have to lie anymore, the burden wasn't on her shoulders anymore.

"I really came here to thank you." He raised an eyebrow in surprise and wonder. "And you had to do that in the middle of the night?"

"Yeah, it couldn't wait a moment longer." She took a deep breath and started talking again. "I want to thank you for what you did for me tonight. For protecting me during that shitty car ride. I want to thank you for being there for me when I was shot. I know you were at the hospital and that meant everything to me. I want to thank you for being by my side all those years."

When she finished talking she looked him in the eye. His eyes were a big a tea cups and he ran a hand through his hair. "Now I understand, Lil, why this couldn't wait a moment longer." The grin appeared on his face again and he touched her. He put his warm hand on her thigh and she was sure her heart stopped beating. Perhaps that doctors appointment wasn't such a crazy idea.

"I did it with pleasure, Lil." He added when he noticed that she was waiting for more. The grin on his face suddenly changed, got cockier. "You can pay be back, ya know."

"How?" She asked him and was anticipating his reply. What would this evening bring her? She wondered what the smug look on his face meant.

"You can let me kiss you."

**Author's note: Okay that's all folks, Should I continue?**


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